It was my fault
by mycookiegirl
Summary: When Ponyboy is sent home from school one day, Darry is extremely angry. His anger only hurts himself and his little brother.


**It was my fault**

 **I do not own The Outsiders. S.E. Hinton does :)**

I knew that Darry would be mad. Well anyone would be mad; I had been sent home from school for the remainder of the day.

When we had both gotten home, Darry started shouting stuff at me, and I was scared; I hadn't seen Darry this angry since the day I decided to taste beer.

"Are you an idiot, Ponyboy?! You know this goes on your record, right?! How's that gonna look when you're applying for college?!" he yelled, making me turn away from him.

Darry continued to shout as I tried to hold in my tears; I was really scared now, and the words Darry were shouting made me feel like Darry didn't love me.

"You're grounded for three weeks: school and back." Darry declared, and I looked up at him. He must have thought I was glaring at him, because he exploded.

"Don't you dare give me that look, Ponyboy Curtis, or I'll make it four weeks!" he shouted, and then after he calmed down, he said, "You know what? You can work on your homework by yourself tonight; don't even bother talking to me; I can't even look at you." He growled, and left me in the living room.

I quickly got up and ran into mine and Soda's bedroom and locked the door before collapsing on the bed. I cried into my pillow for what seemed like hours until I felt somebody rubbing my back.

I jumped up, but saw that it was only Soda, so I quickly hid my face in my pillow again.

"Hey, little buddy." He said softly. I slowly removed my face from the pillow and looked up at my big brother, who was smiling at me.

He didn't say anything, just opened his arms, and in less than a second I slung my arms around his neck and started crying all over again.

"Darry hates me, Soda! Darry hates me!" I cried, burying my face in his chest.

"No, Pony, Darry doesn't hate you; he loves you, he's just a little angry right now." Soda assured me, though I didn't believe him.

Soda continued to soothe me with his gentle voice, until I eventually stopped crying altogether and just continued to cuddle him. After a while of holding me, Soda unwrapped his arms from my waist and gently pushed my arms away from his neck.

"Now, Darry told me that you got sent home from school." Soda said sternly, and I felt myself go pale; what if Soda hated me too?

"It wasn't my fault; some kid started picking on Johnny so I told him to shut up and then he punched me so I punched him back. The teachers walked in on the wrong moment." I rambled, not wanting him to get the wrong impression.

Soda nodded, and smiled again.

"It's okay, I believe you. Why don't you go tell Darry? I'm sure he'll forgive you." Soda suggested, and I felt myself beam.

"Yeah, okay!" I grinned, and got off the bed and ran into the living room where Darry was sitting, watching some show on TV.

"You're grounded, Ponyboy." Darry said straight away, not even looking at me.

"Yeah, but it wasn't my fault about me getting sent home-" I started, but Darry stopped me.

"I don't want to hear it Pony, go back to your room." He said, his voice getting angrier.

"But if you'd just listen-"

"Now, Ponyboy!" he shouted, and I instantly obeyed.

I jumped back into bed, not even bothering to say sorry to Soda when I accidentally landed on his arm.

"Pony…" Soda tried, but I ignored him.

After a while, Soda left, and I just stayed in bed and eventually fell asleep.

XXX

I woke up to find Soda's arm over my chest. When I turned over, I saw that my big brother was asleep, even though it was light outside. I figured that it was morning, so I decided to get up but before I could, Darry burst into the room.

"Get up, Soda." He said playfully, shaking Soda. He completely ignored me, which made me feel really upset. "Come on, wake up, sleepyhead!" he shouted, and began tickling Soda.

Soda screamed making both Darry and I chuckle.

"I'm up! I'm up!" Soda shouted, jumping out of bed and rushing out of our room. I stared after him, and then looked up at Darry.

I waited for him to say something. I was waiting for him to acknowledge my presence. But he acted like I wasn't even there, and soon he followed Soda out of the room.

The upset feeling I had yesterday started coming back to me, but I vowed that I wouldn't cry.

I decided to stay in bed until I heard the water in the bathroom shut off, making it clear that Soda was done in the shower.

I rushed out of my bedroom and into the bathroom to take a quick shower, and then came out dressed in my everyday clothes.

Breakfast was already on the table, but I didn't really feel like eating anything so I just drank my juice but left my plate untouched. Darry didn't even seem to notice, and Soda did but he didn't say anything.

"Hey Pony, why don't you tell Darry about the new project you've started in your science class?" Soda said, and I guessed he was trying to start a conversation between me and Darry.

"Sorry, I need to go to work." Darry muttered and stood up, taking his plate to the sink. He quickly dropped it in the sink and then left the house, but Darry's work didn't start for another half an hour.

Soda just looked at me, but I couldn't be bothered anymore. I left the house before Soda could say anything.

XXX

Coach told us that he wanted to talk to us before we left. All of us gathered around in a circle while Coach stood in the middle.

"Okay so boys, next week, we have the award ceremony." He declared, and a lot of the boys looked at each other before high-fiving one another. I didn't have anyone to high-five me.

"Ya'll are welcome to bring your moms and dads." He announced, and I felt sick on the inside; _I didn't have a mom or dad_.

"I expect all of you to be there; most of you are getting awards." Coach said before leaving the circle. Excited whispers were heard from everyone as Coach walked away, and that soon turned into cheering.

I just stared at Coach as he walked away; he had forgotten that I didn't have parents.

After track was over, I headed on home. Darry and Soda were already home; they were always home after I had track.

Soda looked up at me and smiled while Darry just stared past me. I sighed but didn't say anything, just loped off to my room and got out my homework that I had failed to do yesterday since I fell asleep.

After I had solved all of the equations, I sat back in my chair, until I remembered that I had to tell Darry about the award ceremony. Who knew: maybe he'd be happier with me.

As I walked through the living room, I saw pictures of Darry with dad at Darry's first football award ceremony, and another picture with Soda and dad at Soda's first sports ceremony. Soda didn't win anything, but dad still felt extremely proud of him. I felt tears come to my eyes, knowing that dad would never be at one of my award ceremonies. But maybe…maybe Darry could fill his place.

"Hey Darry." I whispered, walking towards him. He was currently sitting at the table, paying some bills.

"Go back to your room, Ponyboy." Darry mumbled, not even bothering to look at me.

"But I got something from school…"

"I don't care!" he snapped, glaring at me. I took a step back. "Look, I don't care if it's something from school, or something from freaking England. I don't want to talk to you!" Darry shouted, and I quickly slammed the door and locked myself in my bedroom.

I heard Soda knock and ask me if I was alright, but I didn't answer; I knew I'd start crying otherwise.

XXX

For a whole week, Darry refused to even look at me, and whenever I tried to talk to him, he told me that he wasn't interested. I was missing my big brother; I just wanted to hug him and for him to hug me back, though I knew it wouldn't happen.

Soda started to grow worried about me, and I heard him more than once trying to convince Darry to forgive me, that I'd suffered enough. But Darry wouldn't listen; he was too stubborn.

The day of the award ceremony came, and I knew that Darry was going to miss it. I looked through the crowds and saw many fathers congratulating their sons; feeling proud of them.

" _If only I could make Darry proud._ " I thought sadly.

I watched as fathers stood up and clapped their hands excitedly like little children when their sons received an award, and I couldn't help but feel extremely jealous of all the boys who had caring fathers.

Eventually it was my turn, and I was surprised to see that I had won a trophy! I wasn't about to complain though, and just shook hands with Coach before moving on. Everybody clapped, but nobody stood up and cheered me, making me feel unequal to everybody else.

As I loped on home, I realized that I hadn't told anybody where I'd gone, and Darry was sure to be annoyed. Or maybe he didn't care.

I opened the door and saw Darry sitting on the sofa by himself, and boy did he look worried. When I stepped through the door he shot up and was only standing inches away from me.

"Where the hell have you been, Ponyboy?! You know that you're grounded, so why did you stay out?!" he screamed, and then looked down at the trophy I was holding, and his expression changed from angry to confused.

"I had an award ceremony. I tried to tell you last week, but you wouldn't listen." I replied sadly, looking up at him. "You were too busy paying the bills, and you were angry with me. I don't mind; you had every right to be mad. I just wish…someone was there to cheer for me, to make me feel special, but nobody did." I stated, and Darry looked at me with pure sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Pony, I was just-" Darry started, but I stopped him.

"It's okay, Darry; you're not dad." I told him quietly, and then left for my bedroom.

"Where you going?" Darry asked.

"My room; I'm grounded." I answered, and shut the door.

I placed the trophy on my desk, but when I looked down I saw a picture of mom and dad. They looked so happy. And then I remembered the pictures of dad at both Soda and Darry's award ceremonies, and I felt a sudden anger wash over me.

I whacked the photo off the desk, hearing a loud thud. I proceeded to pick up the trophy, and when I did I threw it against the wall. What was the point in having something that nobody felt proud of?

I continued to throw things across my room, exhausting myself, until eventually I just collapsed on the floor, sobbing. I looked around mine and Soda's room, and it looked very different.

The frame that held the picture of mom and dad was shattered, and my trophy was broken. Not that I cared.

Soon, I heard footsteps walking towards the room. I guessed it was Soda, but when I saw Darry I felt both anger and fear rise in me.

"What?!" I shouted, kicking the broken pieces of trophy away from myself.

Darry didn't say anything; he just came and sat down next to me. We both stayed silent, our backs against the wall, just staring at the mess that I had made. I was surprised Darry didn't start screaming at me.

"Quite a work of art you've made." Darry chuckled after a while. I just smiled, but didn't look up at him.

"It's a shame your trophy's broken." He breathed, and I shook my head and finally looked up at him.

"…It would be a shame if people _cared_ about that trophy, but honestly, I don't give a damn." I replied. "Not like you give a damn about me anyways."

"No, Ponyboy, I do care about you, a lot more than you think." He told me, and I laughed.

"Whatever you say." I whispered, and he gave me a sad look. "You know, I wish you hadn't ignored me for this past week, but then again we have rights. I had a nightmare a few nights ago, and it was about mom and dad. I came to you, but you told me to go away. But-" I swallowed, "It didn't matter how many times I told myself that I hated you; I just couldn't hate you. When Soda dropped out, you never ignored him…you never shouted at him. But more importantly, when _you_ got suspended from school when you were younger, dad didn't ignore you. And that's why you'll never be him, though I used to wish that you could be my dad."

I couldn't take it anymore, it was all too painful. I started crying again, and I couldn't stop. The thought of Darry not loving me was enough to make me cry forever.

"Aww Pony." Darry mumbled, and pulled me to him. I didn't want him holding me at first, so I tried to push myself away from him. But Darry just held me tighter, and that was when I remembered that he was the stubborn one in our family.

I stopped trying to get away from him and just cried while he comforted me, telling me that he did love me. I just listened while trying to bury myself closer to him.

"You haven't had a very nice week have you, little man?" Darry sighed, rubbing my back. I just continued to cry, not bothering to answer him.

We stayed like that for I don't know how long, until I felt myself being carried to somewhere. I didn't look up; I just laid limp in my older brother's arms. I was finally put down onto something soft: a mattress. I was sure it was Darry's because I don't think I'd ever been in it before.

I fell asleep after feeling a pair of strong arms close around me, shielding me.

XXX

It had been three days since me and Darry had finally sorted things out. He no longer ignored me, and I made sure to stay out of trouble.

One day after school, I felt myself drifting into Darry's room. I just wanted to see what it looked like one last time, until I saw a golden plastic hand sticking out from under his bed.

I crouched down and pulled out the golden hand; bringing a golden body with it. I realized that it was my trophy that I had broken, and Darry had fixed it.

Holding my trophy against my chest, I looked up and saw the picture of Darry and dad at Darry's first award ceremony. Though instead of feeling anger and hatred towards the picture, I felt love instead.

 **This is just another one-shot I came up with :) Little Man should be updated tonight; I started it yesterday and I'm about halfway done with it. I started this story yesterday aswell, and I hope it's not too rushed for you guys. Stay Gold everybody :D**


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